A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.