I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.